They say bad things happen in 3's, but up until recently I never gave it much thought. In less than 3 months, my family has had 3 deaths in the family, one of which was my beloved grandmother (Bibi Ji), who passed away just shy of 2 weeks before my cousin Daisy got married. On Thanksgiving Day we lost 2 family members in one day...around 9:30 am we lost my Thakur uncle Ji (my dad's sister's husband) and then around 6:30 pm, we heard news that my grandmother's sister's husband passed away as well.
Traveling from Brampton Civic to Trillium to pay last respects, it literally felt like I was having a real bad dream the whole day, so I just kept hoping I'd wake up from it.
Up until my Bibi Ji passed away, I'd never even attended a funeral, so needless to say I was pretty sheltered when it came to the whole grieving process. Contrary to popular opinion, I am very much of the feint of heart. I do not consider myself to be very strong, especially when it comes to seeing the people I love most in this world in pain.
What makes these last two deaths especially difficult for my immediate family is that the service was held in the same locations as my Bibi Ji's funeral. So it was like re-living the memories of our painful goodbyes with her. My 6 yr. old nephew said to me, "massi I'm gonna say a poem at papa's funeral, just like you did for Bibi." Its times like these that make you want to just curl up into a corner and cry because the incredible influx of sorrow is way too much to handle.
Losing someone you love is a painful thing, especially when you've lived with them your whole life, because imagining a world without them just plain and simple don't make sense. My Bibi was more of a mother to me than anything else, because my parents were always working late at the restaurant, she single-handedly raised myself, my 2 siblings and all her other 15 grandchildren-an astonishing feat. She taught me the meaning of humility, love and grace because she embodied it, she was a role-model, a caregiver, but more than anything she was my shakti (strength). When I'd spend nights with her in the hospital and think of losing her, I'd get panic attacks, but I made it through her funeral and sometimes I wonder how the heck I did it. Well, the answer that gives me the most comfort is knowing that she is still with me, her strength, her love, her beauty will always be apart of who I am because who am I kidding, she has shaped every fibre of my being.
May God bring shanti (peace) to those who have left us. We'll miss you and love you everyday, forever.
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